Dilly-dally.

There’s some comfort in taking your time to do whatever you feel like doing. You know, to just dilly-dally through the day, or even for just a short amount of time.

I don’t know about you, but at least for me – it’s like I am in this mental space of mine where as I physically work on things while my mind organises its tangled thoughts I accumulated through the day(s). It almost feel like time stood still and I was in this realm of time where I am just being myself, without the need to care about anyone and anything.

I am not sure if this is an introvert thing, but I find times like this to be extremely thrilling and comforting. Because it is my time, my thoughts, my inner peace. I could almost feel my soul recharging.

Like right now – I am organising my wardrobe, packing my luggage, packing my work stuffs, preparing for an event and typing this post. Everything’s half-done and I am just taking my time to get through these tasks, savouring each moment – almost like a Taiji exercise.

But I know all these dilly-dallying is annoying and senseless to some people, like my finacé. He thinks I am wasting my time and being unproductive. Like if I focused enough on the tasks, I would have gotten things done in a much short period of time. But that’s thing – when you are so caught up in life’s frenzy to always be in the rush to get things done, won’t you eventually run out of breath?

It’s good to slow down every once in a while. Let your soul breathe, even just for a moment.

Migraines & Inspirations

This week has been an incredibly painful yet inspiring at the same time.

The weekdays were painful – I had persistent migraines that don’t seem to go away despite medications and meditations. I’m assuming it was because of the stress from work. I was so close to taking another sick day off. But I persisted – only because I took a sick day off last week already. Is it normal to have migraines this long?

Thankfully, the weekend finally came. Although my migraine persisted through, it has been a very happy and inspiring weekend.

As you may or may not know, I watch a lot of YouTube videos. And this weekend, I came across some videos that got me inspired, in some ways. So I thought I’d share them with you.

I love Whitney Simmons. I do watch her videos whenever I needed that extra kick to go to the gym. She’s kinda like my pre-workout. And to be very honest, I have not been working out as regular as I used to be on the weekdays. My health just feels all over the place of late.

Somehow watching that particular video gave me that extra oomph to work harder in the gym, which I did. I usually burn about 300-400 kcal each workout. But this time, I burned 660 and 580 on Saturday and Sunday, respectively. I have to say, I am so proud of myself. *gives myself a pat on the back*

Also, those were the only times I didn’t had migraines. So I was just so happy and relived.

I found her latest video on my subscription lists, which I didn’t even know I was subscribed to her. But I watched it anyway. And then I watched another one and another one. And I’m still watching more of her videos.

So she apparently moved from Korea to America after college and set herself up in NY all by herself – which I applaud her for doing so. I mean, the courage and independence to do all that all on your own…I wish I was that brave and courageous as her.

And somehow, her videos feel so calming. To me, at least.

I watched this video just about 20 mins ago, which was one of the mains reasons that spurred me to write this post. It was a good and timely reminder for me to slow the heck down. I think my migraines this whole week was like a red, blaring alarm telling me how stressed and unrested I was. Which, unfortunately, I didn’t take that to mind.

So this new week, I shall try to pace myself and take a time-out whenever I needed to. I should also start sleeping and waking up at more regular timings to improve sleep quality. And also, maybe squeeze in a quick run to de-stress myself after a long day at work.

On a side note, I really love his video aesthetics and the way he tells a story. It’s minimal, yet very thought-provoking in some ways.

Have a good week, everyone! 🙂

Happy Feelings

We can always find joy in the little things. So here’s a short list of the small and simple things that make me happy.

1.Running

I never understood why people love running. The feeling of breathlessness, the lactic acid building up in your muscles and how boring it gets after while.

But I do now. Running, especially at top speed, feels as though I’m breaking through the bubble of negativity I’m in and I feel free and uplifted. Also, the sense of accomplishment when you hit a certain mark, be it speed, timing or distance, is always a good thing. Not to mention, the adrenaline rush that comes with it is like a drug.

2. Doodling in my planner

Sometimes I write myself an encouraging note/quote to push me on through the week. Sometimes at the end of a long and arduous week, I’ll write it down to remind myself that even when I felt like giving up, I still managed to survive through. And sometimes, it’s always nice to write down my plans and see some sort of structure in my life, despite the chaotic mess in my head.

3. Sipping a cup of warm coffee

Because warmth literally fills my body up and it feels so cosy. A homemade coffee is always the best.

4. Watching funny baby videos 

Babies are just so full of innocence. How can one not smile when you see a baby, especially they do silly stuffs?

Also, between K and I, 90% of our text messages comprises an exchange of cute and funny baby videos/photos. Talk about baby fever…lol

5. Pause to breathe

You don’t need to do a full-on meditation to relax and be calm. Sometimes, just taking a tiny pause to deeply inhale then exhale is all you need. Almost like a reset of your mind and body.

 

Breathe.

The past couple of weeks has been overwhelming, to say the least.

Work has been very unforgiving. My to-do list just seems to be never-ending; it’s like the more I do, the longer my to-do list gets. Plus, the passive-aggressiveness I have to deal with on the daily basis. The combination of it both can really get into your nerves.

I just feel like my work is taking over my life, like there is nothing more there is than work. Like on the weekdays, all I could do was work, sleep, repeat. When the weekend finally comes, I’ll try to catch up on my sleep but I can never seem to be energised. In fact, I’ll feel much more fatigued than I already was.

Not to mention, the anxiety I feel as the weekend comes to an end. Which is why I am here, typing this away. I know I tell myself to be kinder to myself this year and to count all the blessing I have. But with this paralysing anxiety, it can be hard to see the positive side of things.

I know there are so many things I could do to make myself feel a little better, a little happier. I know. But when you are paralysed with stress and anxiety, all you want to do is to just lay there and do nothing. That self-denial is almost like a coping mechanism; to escape from it all, even just for a moment.

I realised now why I watch shows so much – I needed to escape from reality.

If I could just walk away from it all, just like that…I would. You have no idea how many times at work where I just wish I could walk away from it all. To wave the white flag, say “I’m done.” and not care about the consequence of it all.

But of course, realistically that’s not the solution.

So what is the solution?

2019: Be kind to yourself.

Looking back at 2018, I realized that I haven’t been grateful. And in turn, I wasn’t being kind to myself.

I have always wanted to do and build something that I can be proud of.

So in 2018, I was caught up in this frenzy, putting a lot pressure on myself and expecting so much from myself so quickly. And when things did not work out, I ended up derailed and upset at myself for not succeeding. Thinking back, I’ll admit that I was ambitious and probably over-confident.

But at that point – I was blinded by the negatives in my life; I failed to see what I have accomplished. Although the glass was half-glass full, I was obsessed with my failure for not filling the glass full that all I saw was the other half of emptiness. I felt empty.

It then came to a point where my life felt like it was in a black hole. Because I felt so terribly, horribly miserable inside. I honestly have never felt so lost. Another thing that had me feeling so horrible inside was the fact that I have been comparing myself to others and their successes. So that definitely made me felt worse as well.

So, slowly…as I took a pause in life and looked back into the year and reflect, I started to count my blessings.

  • Finally got a permanent job contract after working for a year
  • Got engaged to my favourite person
  • Bought a house with my favourite person
  • Saved enough for our house reno
  • My love ones are happy and healthy
  • I got to travel a lot and experienced new experiences

And when you’re counting blessings, you could go on and on… I finally understood the meaning to be grateful. Because I now know that I have been lucky to have what I have. My heart, mind and soul are now in a right place to do and be better.

The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.  – Dr Robert Holden

So this 2019, I want to focus seeing the glass half-full (rather than half-empty) and just be happy.

Count your blessings and appreciate them everyday.

Take more photos & videos, to remember the happy memories and look back at them during your dark days.

Remember that baby steps are still steps forward.

And most importantly, be kind to yourself