Empty

The feeling of empty;

I feel like I’ve been mindlessly filling my time without any meaning. I go work early and I leave work late. Sometimes even coming homing from work, I’ll work on work.

I feel this urge to fill my life to somewhat make me feel productive. But all these are mindless, unmeaningful work. A part of me says the work I am doing is all for the better future. It is to impress my bossess and colleagues; to show that I am abled and valuable to the organisation. Just so I can keep my job and earn my money. But does it really matter? Because I don’t entirely feel so. It’s not like I have an impressive job or earn impressive money.

I see the successes of my friends. I see the happiness of the people around me. But I don’t feel them myself. All I feel are the emptiness, fear and anxiety. It’s a scary corner that creeps up sometimes. I try to stay away from it.

Because I know I can do better. I know I am capable of doing so.

I just need to figure out how.

the Beginning

Why I want to start blogging again –

  1. I want to improve on my writing skills
  2. I needed a outlet to let my creative side run free
  3. To internalise and organise my noisy, messy mind – basically to figure myself out
  4. As daring and crazy as it may be, I want to see how far I can take this blog.

This is probably my nth time trying to re-start my blogging days, but I had a commitment of a serial cheater. Not that I was any that great of a blogger back then – about 100 views a month. Probably peanuts but I’m still proud that I was able to write consistently and some people actually cared to read what I have written.

So I do hope I stay consistent here, as I try to work on myself.

I want to do better. I want to be better.