2019: Be kind to yourself.

Looking back at 2018, I realized that I haven’t been grateful. And in turn, I wasn’t being kind to myself.

I have always wanted to do and build something that I can be proud of.

So in 2018, I was caught up in this frenzy, putting a lot pressure on myself and expecting so much from myself so quickly. And when things did not work out, I ended up derailed and upset at myself for not succeeding. Thinking back, I’ll admit that I was ambitious and probably over-confident.

But at that point – I was blinded by the negatives in my life; I failed to see what I have accomplished. Although the glass was half-glass full, I was obsessed with my failure for not filling the glass full that all I saw was the other half of emptiness. I felt empty.

It then came to a point where my life felt like it was in a black hole. Because I felt so terribly, horribly miserable inside. I honestly have never felt so lost. Another thing that had me feeling so horrible inside was the fact that I have been comparing myself to others and their successes. So that definitely made me felt worse as well.

So, slowly…as I took a pause in life and looked back into the year and reflect, I started to count my blessings.

  • Finally got a permanent job contract after working for a year
  • Got engaged to my favourite person
  • Bought a house with my favourite person
  • Saved enough for our house reno
  • My love ones are happy and healthy
  • I got to travel a lot and experienced new experiences

And when you’re counting blessings, you could go on and on… I finally understood the meaning to be grateful. Because I now know that I have been lucky to have what I have. My heart, mind and soul are now in a right place to do and be better.

The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.  – Dr Robert Holden

So this 2019, I want to focus seeing the glass half-full (rather than half-empty) and just be happy.

Count your blessings and appreciate them everyday.

Take more photos & videos, to remember the happy memories and look back at them during your dark days.

Remember that baby steps are still steps forward.

And most importantly, be kind to yourself

October Highlights

 

October – my favourite month of the year.

Because it’s a month to binge and be merry.

  1. My Godmother from Dubai visited us in Singapore. I’ve not seen her in years.
  2. My birthday. K, together with my sister, surprised me with my favourite donuts. *heart eyes*
  3. I Joined the gym. I was gaining the pounds and I needed an outlet to clear my head. Not to mention, K’s been telling me how unfit I am.
  4. Chia Leng & Jas treated me to brunch at Brunches Cafe for my birthday. Love their seafood pasta and tea! Also, Jasmine specially reserved the car seat table for us. ❤
  5. Finally met up with my girl, Amirah!!! I’m a really bad friend – I’ve not seen her in a year. We tried out this Chendol soft serve ice cream from Overrun – so goooood.
  6. Patrick, my brother, treated the birthday girls – my mom, sister and I – to a lunch buffet at Hotel Jen Tanglin. Of course, Dad tagged along too. We all ate so much, we couldn’t eat dinner.
  7. Happy Hour with the October girls from work! We tried the Lychee Beer at Starker. Omg so goooood??? If you’re into sweet and light beer, that is.

All in all, it has been a great month, with lots of eating and celebration with friends. So much love. ❤

Also not included is my trip to Aussie to visit K, but I’ll leave that for another post.

Empty

The feeling of empty;

I feel like I’ve been mindlessly filling my time without any meaning. I go work early and I leave work late. Sometimes even coming homing from work, I’ll work on work.

I feel this urge to fill my life to somewhat make me feel productive. But all these are mindless, unmeaningful work. A part of me says the work I am doing is all for the better future. It is to impress my bossess and colleagues; to show that I am abled and valuable to the organisation. Just so I can keep my job and earn my money. But does it really matter? Because I don’t entirely feel so. It’s not like I have an impressive job or earn impressive money.

I see the successes of my friends. I see the happiness of the people around me. But I don’t feel them myself. All I feel are the emptiness, fear and anxiety. It’s a scary corner that creeps up sometimes. I try to stay away from it.

Because I know I can do better. I know I am capable of doing so.

I just need to figure out how.

Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Poem by Dylan Thomas (1914 – 1953)

What’s in my bag?

1.Moleskine Black Leather Notebook & Pen

I love Moleskine. I have been using Moleskines books since secondary school. Something about using a Moleskine that gives me that comfort. I know, I weird.

2. Kindle

I use it for my everyday commute, the only time I have to read.

K used to buy me books, until my Mom complaint how full my bookshelf has gotten. So he got me a Kindle. ❤ I still read actual books, though.

3. Two Cardholders & Wallet

With the push to being a cashless society, it’s so much more convenient to using a cardholder now. I still keep cash, so that goes into my wallet. But if I ever need to go for a quick errand or lunch, I’ll just bring my cardholder.

4. Juicy Couture Perfume

Favourite Perfume of ALL TIME. Love it when in comes in fun size for those after-lunch moments in

5. Lipstick by Maybelline in shade

I love Maybelline’s Color Sensational Powder Matte Lipstick Range. In fact, all my lipsticks are from this range. Not that I have that many lipsticks.

I also love it how it’s only 8.99 AUD. I would always get one, or two, whenever I’m there.

6. Lipbalm by Nivea in Watermelon

I honestly feel Nivea has the best lipbalm, hands down. All the better when it’s in my favourite flavour.

7. Innisfree Handcream in July

I hate papercuts. Dry hands = higher chances of getting papercuts. Plus, this cream smells like Victoria Secret Bombshell.

8. Halls Mints in Watermelon Flavour

I have insane fear of having bad breath. Of all the mints out there, this is the freshest mint. Go try them.

9. Keys with Keychain by Smiggle

10. Earpiece

11. Ez-link Card – Special Sanrio Edition

Yes, I love Hello Kitty. No, I’m not obsessed over Hello Kitty. Or any Sanrio characters, for that matter. Not that there’s any wrong with that.